| NEW BLOG |
[15 May 2009|01:18am] |
Aloha, everyone.
I've set up a new blog so that when I put a link in my online portfolio, people (who aren't friends) wouldn't be able to read about my dark and dramatic moments which I have written here. Hehe. :)
My new blog is http://pinpinc.livejournal.com.
What can you expect?
1. General, colorless yet still sometimes narcissistic news about myself
2. Occasional bitch fits and pseudo philosophical ramblings
3. Drawings, doodles, photos, designs
Censored stuff. I hope.
Add me up if you want to look at things. Don't add me if you want to read chismis and uber emotional shiz.
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| HELP ME! |
[24 Aug 2008|10:01pm] |
I do not understand, but I seem to be losing a lot of things lately. I already said that I lost my camera flash a few months ago, and recently, I discovered that I lost my colored pens! I mean it's really weird because I just noticed that they're no longer in my bag. I have a hunch that I left them in my Lit 126.1 class room Fridays ago after our reporting. Ah! My heart is breaking...
Moreover, I have misplaced Bojo's book which he lent me. I'm sorry, Bojo! I was reading it before I went to Cai's last Monday, and I think I brought it with us, but I don't know if I left it in Alfie's car or I left it among the newspaper I brought at Cai's. I find it interesting though. Maybe I'll look for another copy for you.
I don't think I'm irresponsible. I actually don't know how I could have forgotten anything since I always recently check if I did leave anything. I do know that stress is a huge factor, but because I know stress makes me forget, I have been very careful.
I really don't understand. And I hate the fact that I only realize that I am losing something about a couple of days after I have last seen things.
I am really sad, and mad at myself for losing something despite my taking extra measures not to lose anything whenever I take something out of my bag or go somewhere new. And I hate that I'm losing things that I wouldn't normally misplace because these are things that I very much value.
I am beating myself. -_-
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| I'm absolutely crazy |
[30 May 2008|01:20am] |
I'm really really crazy.
And I let my own emoness get in the way of my other relationships. Tsk tsk.
And on academic suicide:
I am taking not just Dacanay and Acuna this semester. I have also added Calasanz in the mix! Wooohooo!!! It's a party, riot, history unravelling and evolution happening at the same time! Apocalypse induced!
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| Academic Suicide |
[24 May 2008|06:58pm] |
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mood |
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I’ve already had my advisement at the Communications Department last April 21st hoping that my choices for this semester will give me a high enough QPI to maintain my above 3.0 grade, and to probably get into the Dean’s List so I could borrow more than five books at a time this second semester.
I’m not very grade conscious, but I am very careful with the teachers I would want to learn from. Grades are really useless if you don’t learn anything. Therefore, this semester, I planned on having Fr. Dacanay as my teacher, decided NOT to take Sir Ambeth Ocampo’s class all because I know that Philosophy classes are also heavy, and that I have a Literature class to add in the mix.
Last year first semester was pretty intense for me, going through a Communications Research class with Sir Anjo Lorenzana, a film production class (and Quark made the production groups even smaller!), a Philosophy class with Sir Strebel and a Classical Literature class with Dr. Abad who gave us ONLY six 100-point long exams since he got lazy towards the end of the semester. I had planned on having Sir Pulan as my teacher for the same semester as well. I am now thankful my registration got messed up. Anyway, as you can see, I am really into borderline “academic suicide”.
This coming semester, however, I have decided not to have a lot of good yet difficult teachers at the same time because my first semester will still be part of the third year average QPI. Moreover, I am not prepared to get overstressed again; I even said that I would not take another film production class since I am just getting my life back on track after my six-month leave. However, when my friend and I were checking the class schedule online again, my friend noticed that Acuna decided to teach a Lit 126.1 class, the Literature class I’m taking this semester. Unfortunately, because he added a third section to the list, section A is now reserved for Lit Majors ONLY. I cannot be in section B because it coincides with my Com Elective so I am now stuck in Acuna’s class.
I would want to have Sir Acuna as one of my teachers someday too. My friend loves him, and I firmly believe he’s a brilliant teacher. We were actually hoping that he’s going to offer a Gothic Literature class this semester since it had been rumored that he would. Anyway, because I have to be in his class this first semester, I would either sacrifice my Fr. Dacanay Class or risk academic suicide. The bad thing about it is that I would have Hi 165, Th 131 and Lit 126.1 without breaks in between.
I have two alternatives for my Th 131 teacher: Fr. Carlito Reyes and Sir Mike Asis. I am also thinking of taking Sir Gealogo instead of Sir Dave, who isn’t really a strict/terror teacher, but I do need a breather in my MWF afternoons too.
HELP ME! Which teachers am I going to take? Please take note that Sir Acuna is most probably a fixture. The good thing about this is that I have two media classes where I would just watch films and think about them, and that I won’t be having my thesis this semester.
I am so tempted to take Fr. Dacanay and Sir Acuna at the same time. I really want! But I might not make the smartest choice.
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| Official LJ Therapy No. 14 |
[09 May 2008|12:29pm] |
I like someone...
And it's too much for my shrunken black heart. It can't take the amount of blood surging in and out of it, but it's working hard to cope with it. It won't give up. My brain is telling it to stop. It will not be overruled.
At first I was happy. Then I became sad. Yesterday, I felt afraid to the point of quivering. Would I be mad next time? I'm already mad with a split personality denying one thing, confirming the same thing... ignoring reason and surrendering to the experience of liking someone. It has been a long while. It has been years.
Maybe I'm making such a big deal out of it.
I need a break, but my heart is saying "I'm not tired". I wish the rest of my body could be as brave as you, heart. But I don't want to be as stupid.
I hate this stupid entry. I hate it! -__-
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| Official LJ Therapy No.13: My brain is somewhere inside my chest |
[04 May 2008|11:14pm] |
First of all, I really need to have my LJ layout changed, but I don't know how to do those CSS thing.
Second, I should be doing that tarp design for our village event, which, by the way, should have been finished two days ago, but instead, I am writing an LJ entry to relieve myself of stress from some school work, some potential family turmoil and some love concerns. These things are making my already-fucked-up head beat as if it is my heart.
Good blood circulations causes oxygen to go to the brain, which makes us think clearer. Unfortunately, in this case, the beating of the brain only causes a widespread distribution and gathering of thoughts throughout the body and back to the brain. My hands are shaking; they're being overwhelmed by the knowledge and tasks that have been bothering me.
And I am not making a lot of sense.
This is futile.
ADDITIONAL SHIT: Sex and the desires of the flesh seem so simple.
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| Laugh trip |
[03 May 2008|03:20pm] |
I just finished reading your recent posts while listening to this Chinese song playing from God-knows-where. After clicking my "friends page", I suddenly heard this jazzy pop-i-don't-know music. Maybe it's from one of my "friend's" entries, but wala lang...nagulat lang ako. haha.
Anyway, I thought that I could keep on thinking about work and not the other two things that have also been bugging me. Unfortunately, I still haven't designed the tarp for our village Family Day (which I am doing for free so I'm less motivated to even start doing it), and it was supposed to be done yesterday. I still have not talked about that photo essay for the AComM magazine also since I've been thinking about the stuff we will be doing for O-Film. And every now and then, the two things that have been bothering me would slip in my mind.
I suppose talking about it would be good therapy, a way to get it out of my system. However, these are somewhat secrets. God, my throat is itching and my vocal chords are vibrating persistently to produce sounds that only bounce on the back of my teeth. -_-
So what is the purpose of this damn LJ entry? Whatever it is... it was not achieved.
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| Parents have amazing abilities to make you feel bad |
[28 Apr 2008|02:36am] |
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mood |
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 damnit |
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They say it's honesty, but sometimes they don't think that they're neglecting tact or they forget that their children have feelings too apart from their ability to absorb criticism and instructions.
Yesterday, I told my mum and my sister that I've thought of making a little bit of effort to start dating. During the past few years, I haven't been paying much attention to it since I think I'm not desperate enough to actually find someone to be with. Really, I think friendship and filial ties are more important to lovey dovey love right now. However, recently, I thought it'd be interesting to experience more in life through these sort of relationship. The annoying thing, however, is that after I have communicated my interest in dating, my mum expressed her agreement with a stress on MY BEING IN MY LAST YEAR (AND A HALF) IN COLLEGE AND MY NOT HAVING A SUITOR. More so, she said that "I SHOULD START SMILING MORE BECAUSE 'MUKHA RAW AKONG SUPLADA'".
I did not ask why no one has expressed their interest in me. I know I must have fault in that, too, because I don't comb my hair, and I am not that serious about losing weight. And maybe I don't want to be perceived as some psycho walking around with a broad pointless grin on her face.
I am grateful for her pointing these things out, but I do know my faults and MY NOT HAVING A BOYFRIEND, but she didn't have to stress it just after I have said it. -_-
Just now, I finished showing her some videos from Youtube. I even showed her Mark Peregrino's "Relasyon" which I truly enjoy to the point of ecstaticly exclaiming something at an instant in the film which reminded me of my favorite filmmaker, Wong Kar Wai. Then my mum asked if I "shout like 'that' even outside the house". First, I wasn't shouting; my voice was just a bit loud. Unfortunately, it is almost 3 am, thus, a lot of people are sleeping now so it's really quiet here. Yes, I may have been a bit loud, but I can get excited, too. Moreover, if I'm loud and I scream, then she goes hysterical on a normal day. At least, my outbursts are passionate cries for art, and they are not random and useless babble. Although I am not criticizing my mum at all with the words "random and useless babble", but I just want to say that I still make sense, and I say something intelligent when I "scream" in the middle of the night.
I do not go beserk every time. I would like to believe that I am very much composed when I'm with other people. I just show this happy, excited me when I am with people I am close to. Yes, I am irritated at her even more because we were in the middle of what I thought was "bonding" and "girl talk", in the middle of me expressing myself, which was once demanded of us (my sisters and I) when they thought that "we weren't talking to them". Screw this. Screw this! At least I sit still even if she rants about my Tita for the nth time, even if she knows very well that I hate hearing stuff about my annoying selfish opportunistic aunt who thinks we are apathetic children or about their unending problems that do not concern me or the people I love.
I was in the middle of exploding with love and passion and enthusiasm for life. She has the ability to plant my feet in the ground as well as my body up to the nose. I have the ability to dream. She brings me back to reality with a bucketful of cold water infested with piranha. -_- She is mean!
Mean!
And now, you know where I got my evilness. But I may somewhat be an evil person, I am a person too. And I am very sensitive right now.
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| Two Glasses |
[26 Apr 2008|07:53pm] |
I broke two glasses today. I didn't break them at the same time; that's the bad thing. I broke one after lunch, and I broke the other one while washing the dishes after dinner.
There's something wrong with me. It seems that I've been in a panic the whole day. And I even forgot to take my medicine, and I feel more woozy now since the benefits of the meds haven't set in.
Two glasses! It's so annoying. I'm so careless.
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| Romeo and Juliet |
[12 Apr 2008|01:24am] |
I just finished watching "Romeo and Juliet" with Olivia Hussey as Juliet. Although while watching, I came across Idel's blog entry. I also read some android/sex doll story somewhere and instantly reminded me of what was said in "2046" about why one should not fall in love with the androids during the travel.
Anyway, there was a conversation about Love. And some reflection...
Why did we even come up with the word?
---
I just remembered something when I watched "Millionaire's First Love" about a week ago. I used to have this line which I sort of lived by: Live, Love and NOT Regret. Anyway, I realized that it's okay to regret some things as long as you've done what you needed to do.
Good Night!
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